THE END OF THE WORLD (Presented by Your Local Chamber)
17th July 2012 · 0 Comments
by Zaq TullThis weekend, I attended a bachelor party for a dear
friend. Well maybe I shouldn’t call it a
bachelor party, since my buddy and his lovely fiancé have been cohabitating for
years. It was more a gathering of man
friends, to celebrate the forthcoming legalization of a successful union.
friend. Well maybe I shouldn’t call it a
bachelor party, since my buddy and his lovely fiancé have been cohabitating for
years. It was more a gathering of man
friends, to celebrate the forthcoming legalization of a successful union.
Our first stop was a gun range, and since I’m a nancy boy,
who was raised by gun forbidding hippies, (in a very remote part of Colorado,
where a gun was an absolute necessity. True story, when my neighbor used a
large caliber pistol to kill a mountain lion that was stalking around our yard,
my mother made a hysterical phone call to the police,) it was my first trip to
this type of sporting establishment. I
have to admit that I was a little nervous…
who was raised by gun forbidding hippies, (in a very remote part of Colorado,
where a gun was an absolute necessity. True story, when my neighbor used a
large caliber pistol to kill a mountain lion that was stalking around our yard,
my mother made a hysterical phone call to the police,) it was my first trip to
this type of sporting establishment. I
have to admit that I was a little nervous…
But the butterflies subsided when we approached the range-master, and I saw that he was sitting in a room chock full of zombie
posters.
posters.
Excuse me, targets. I have to remember that at a gun range, the
zombie posters are called targets.
zombie posters are called targets.
The
targets put me at ease, because while I might have been new to the whole gun
thing, the idea of killing zombies is not at all strange to me.
targets put me at ease, because while I might have been new to the whole gun
thing, the idea of killing zombies is not at all strange to me.
Let’s just say I watch the Walking Dead.
And the Waking Dead.
And Dawn of the Dead.
And anything else that has to do with
zombies.
zombies.
Religiously...
I’d rather not write about how much money I spent on targets
that day, (I’m thinking of it as an investment; when the zombies come,
I’m not a bad person to have guarding your barricaded nursing home,) but it was enough money for me to come into work today thinking that this
whole end of the world thing is big business.
that day, (I’m thinking of it as an investment; when the zombies come,
I’m not a bad person to have guarding your barricaded nursing home,) but it was enough money for me to come into work today thinking that this
whole end of the world thing is big business.
So I did some research:
A New Jersey man is breaking even running a retreat
where campers shoot guns and crossbows, hot-wire cars, suture pig skin, and
practice a martial art called Zombitzu.
where campers shoot guns and crossbows, hot-wire cars, suture pig skin, and
practice a martial art called Zombitzu.
In Oregon,
a food processing company has seen a double digit profit increase after shifting their marketing focus.
Apparently, survivalists will pay more than backpackers for food.
a food processing company has seen a double digit profit increase after shifting their marketing focus.
Apparently, survivalists will pay more than backpackers for food.
For the low, low price of $24,000 this Zombie Extermination,
Research and Operations (Z.E.R.O) kit could be yours.
Research and Operations (Z.E.R.O) kit could be yours.
And if you want to hedge your zombie apocalypse bet with a
gamble on the Rapture, there’s an
I-Phone application that will shoot you a heads up 30 minutes before the
God claims the righteous. 30 minutes!
Ample time to repent…
gamble on the Rapture, there’s an
I-Phone application that will shoot you a heads up 30 minutes before the
God claims the righteous. 30 minutes!
Ample time to repent…
Speaking of the Rapture, one difficultly people have been
facing when preparing for this event is what promises to be a historic lack of dog sitters. In Thessalonians, the Apostle Paul didn’t say
what would happen to pious animals. What
if they get left behind?
facing when preparing for this event is what promises to be a historic lack of dog sitters. In Thessalonians, the Apostle Paul didn’t say
what would happen to pious animals. What
if they get left behind?
Don’t despair, for a onetime fee of 10 dollars, After the Rapture Pet Care
will add you to a database that uses non-Christian animal lovers to ensure that
little Fido won’t be roaming a post apocalyptic wasteland unaided.
will add you to a database that uses non-Christian animal lovers to ensure that
little Fido won’t be roaming a post apocalyptic wasteland unaided.
I’m sure that I could add to this list, but you get the
point. Entrepreneurs are taking advantage of Armageddon hype; with very little upstart
capital. I don’t think this is crazy; global collapse seamlessly merges genuine fanaticism, complicated irony,
and Sahara dry humor.
point. Entrepreneurs are taking advantage of Armageddon hype; with very little upstart
capital. I don’t think this is crazy; global collapse seamlessly merges genuine fanaticism, complicated irony,
and Sahara dry humor.
Clearly, there is
a lot of money to be made.
a lot of money to be made.
If your business is dealing with zombies, the
Rapture, or even a nuclear holocaust,any external communication generated by your company: marketing
campaigns, press releases, social media, etc. is going to make people laugh, or make people shiver. These consumers will be left feeling like
they want your product, or they need your product.
Rapture, or even a nuclear holocaust,any external communication generated by your company: marketing
campaigns, press releases, social media, etc. is going to make people laugh, or make people shiver. These consumers will be left feeling like
they want your product, or they need your product.
Not a bad selling tactic.
So the question is, how do you generate zombie apocalypse
feelings, for a non-zombie apocalypse product?
feelings, for a non-zombie apocalypse product?
Know the answer?
Chime in on Facebook.
Tags: alternative, brand awareness, business, business strategy, career, facebook, family, georgia, management, marketing, the alternative board, zombie
